New website

Hello! Obviously, it's been awhile... I've been busy working on a new website/blog. If you're interested, please follow me here: www.anotherfinemessphotography.com Thank you for your support!!

Mini sessions as wonderful gifts for 2013!

Did you know you can purchase a mini photo session as a gift? Yep! It's a great gift to give for 2013! Here are some guidelines: Mini sessions are: family portraits (5 or less persons) child or children's portraits snippet of home life -photojournalism style business portrait senior portrait Each Mini session lasts 30-40 minutes in one location* of your choice. Quick and easy is the game! You will be given a flash drive (no more DVDs, yay!) of 10-30 high-res images for you to keep. Once you've purchased a gift certificate for your recipient, I will create an email (or paper, your choice) certificate you can give that will include my phone number/email/facebook info so they can book a time with me. A Mini Session certificate only costs $100! Cash, checks and paypal are accepted. Looking forward to meeting your loved ones :) *Location: Must be within 25 miles of Redmond. Please note: This gift certificate cannot be used towards wedding, engagement, maternity/newborns, or event photography.

Well! It's been awhile! To get you caught up in all things Christine: We moved to Redmond a year ago. As soon as I knew Borders was completely done for, Nate and I discussed what to do. Since I wasn't tied to the area due to a job, I was free to search further north. I ended up getting hired part-time at Whole Foods Market as a cashier. They're pretty great about my hours and my manager used to work at Borders as well (not around here, she came from Chicago). Things fell into place rather smoothly after that... We got a nice condo for a reasonable price that sits right on a lake filled with ducks and various "wild life". Jamie is enrolled in a very nice school with great teachers- They have actually helped him get relatively caught up on reading and math. He's still behind but is getting the help he needs. I won't even get started on the school in Tacoma. When we moved to Redmond, we discovered that I was pregnant and due in April! Very exciting news! If you've been following me on Facebook, you've already seen some of my pregnancy pics and ultrasounds. When I told Jamie that he would be getting a sibling, he replied "It's what I wished for in the wishing well! It came true!" How cute is that? Rowan Wesley Scott was born April 18th at 12:59am in Bellevue. He weighed in at 7 lbs, 14 oz (the exact weight of Jamie and I) and was 20 inches long. Of course, we all fell instantly in love with the littlest little guy. He is currently 2 months old and all smiles.

The things I want (important things)

This last week has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Well, to be honest- this year has been- but mostly, this week. I'm constantly losing, it seems. "When one door closes another opens", the saying goes and I remind myself of this. I know that life isn't over and I push forward. The older I get the more certain I am of what I want. I think I have always known what I wanted but I'm shy or hesitant to tell others. Mostly because we live in an age of intelligent, work oriented women skilled with multitasking. I am cautious to blurt out what I really want because I hear stories of guys that date other women saying that as soon as those women said that they just wanted to have children, they got ditched. Oh, I know there were lots of other red flags raised besides that (lack of conversation, obsessiveness, stalking, etc...) but it doesn't stop me from holding back. I also don't want to disappoint. I'm also not a hippy and am not interested in farming or anything like that. I just want a home full of my own children.

I'm nearly half way to my AA Degree and I still don't know what I want to do career-wise. But I do know what I want to do with the rest of my life that doesn't involve cashing a paycheck every two weeks or 3 hours of homework. I want to be a good mother and wife and I want more children. I want that more than any job out there. I just don't know how to get there... I had my second miscarriage last week and I'm handling it much better than previously. I haven't sunk into a dark depression and I'm not yelling and retreating into myself. Due to previous experiences, I've kept this mostly close to home and only told those on a need-to-know basis. I know a lot people don't read my blog so I'm not really worried. I mostly wanted to protect Jamie. The last 2 experiences left him confused and I don't need to reintroduce it. Also, I don't want to obsess about it so I feel like writing it here will help me process.

I dream of having more children and owning a home with a man that wants to take care of me (us) happily and without regret. I feel like we're still at the construction stage- where you can see the parts but you still don't know how the final result will look but you know how you hope it will look. Everything has the markers for a great outcome but getting those parts together correctly is hard. Sometimes, I feel like I need to stop construction and say, "Wait- this piece goes here... I know it's weird but trust me." and its hard to speak up.

I know it sounds silly but I want to be able to raise my own children- I don't want to drop them off at daycare and I don't want to watch someone else's. I want to experience my home changing with my family. I'm not ready to go to the next phase of my life without at least 1 more child. In my apartment, I have photos all over my walls of Jamie when he was a baby and toddler. I love looking at them and I'm glad that I have them. Looking at them brings intense feelings and I can't shake them. The desire to add to those photos is so overwhelming. But I know I just have to take it one day at a time.

Summer

So far, we're a few weeks into summer and it hasn't been bad. We've had a few slumber parties, park time, visits with great grandma and of course, boring days of nothing but Sponge Bob and Johnny Test. Jamie's handled everything fairly well and I'm proud of him. We've been doing workbooks in the morning before any TV gets turned on. I need to figure out a way to do the workbooks once the meds kick in. It gets a little exhausting until then (a lot). I've also been doing some DVD workouts while he does his workbooks... sometimes, I don't mind pausing the annoying blonde to help him- it helps me catch my breath or rest my muscles. I've been doing it for a week now and I feel like I'm getting better at it. Less falling over.
Today we visited Michelle and little Caleb in Seattle for a few hours. He did great :) Caleb is pretty much the cutest baby I've ever laid eyes on (besides Jamie, of course). His big blue eyes and gummy grin lights up his entire face. Happiest. Baby. EVER. Seriously. I can't wait until my lens gets fixed so I can take some photos of him. He needs to be in magazines or something...
Once we left, things were going well until an hour and a half later (enduring Tukwila and Tacoma traffic) and 10 minutes until we were home did Jamie announce that he was going to be carsick, "Mom, I going to be carsick..." puke. That'll teach me to let him play Pac-Man and Angry Birds in the backseat... =/ For the last 10 minutes, I could smell the regurgitated fruit in the backseat. But we held it together and made it home. The good news is, Jamie is just fine and my car is clean. Next time we'll attempt the Sounder. Or something.
I'm thinking of attempting a project just for myself but I haven't decided on what yet. Do I want to redo my dresser? Paint a picture? Build a desk (HA!)? When I decide, I'll try to get some photos up. That's it for now :)

Obsessive

I'm still discovering an identity for this blog. (I'm sure it's one of those things that I'll back to and think that it's me discovering my own identity or whatever). Will it be about photography, parenting, me, you, Borders... or frogs? I dunno... Right now, I feel like writing about parenting. It's one of the most exhausting things ever.
I love my child more than any person I've ever loved but there are moments when I just want to leave and start a new life in Italy. I had a whole idea of what to write while I was laying in bed and now that I'm out here hovering over my keyboard in the dark, the words leave me.
I want to enjoy my child but there are days that make it extremely difficult. Every decision I make is met with a high pitch whine and frustration. No, we can't have chicken nuggets at Jack In the Box. Because I said so. Because we need to save money. I know you're hungry, you're going to need to wait until we get home. Stop whining. Stop. Whining. STOP.
I can feel my chest tighten just rereading that. I know every kid does this. I remember doing this myself. And this is only one decision today. There were more made later.
I ponder over why Jamie looks different as I call up Vicki to see if the kids want to play. She said they were on their way to the park so I took Jamie to play with the Scotts at Jane Clark Park so he can play in the pool. Unfortunately, we arrived just as they closed the pool for lunch break. It was okay for the first 10 minutes while Jamie immersed himself with crafts of colorful cotton balls and pipe cleaners. Once he was bored with that, he played at the park for a little bit while I chatted with Vicki and played with Owen. After an hour, they announced the pool will open late since they needed to adjust chlorine levels. Jamie spent that time curled up next to me, demanding that I scratch his back while he pulled grass and flung it around us. I scratched while watching a bunch of little boys playing dodgeball-wishing Jamie was more interested in making friends with those kids and having fun with them. He doesn't seem to enjoy playing group games. I've had people notice that he likes to play along side one or two kids but never really plays with anyone. I sometimes fear he'll be a lonely child if he keeps this up.
Finally the pool opens and the kids play for about 45 minutes before we all decide that it was getting chilly and time to head home for some food. Vicki invited us over for sandwiches so we head over there. During our lunch/dinner, it finally dawns on me why Jamie looks different. I jump out of my seat and examine his eyelashes... he only has a few lashes left. He's been plucking them. My heart sinks because I've been told that this is a sign of obsessive compulsiveness. I spent a few minutes talking to Jamie about not pulling out his eyelashes and how they protect your eyes from lint and dirt in the air. I know this is a futile attempt but I need to keep a watch out for him doing this consistently.
Deep inside, I'm scared for Jamie. I don't know what the future will be like for him. I don't know if he will grow out of this or will need to be on medication all his life. I don't want this for him. I'm terrified that he won't care for his own life and just throw it away with terrible decisions.
I'm constantly obsessing over this and I wish I can enjoy my child while he is small. He makes it extremely difficult. Perhaps I'm making mountains out of molehills. I hope it is so.

dead weight

It's been pretty close to 4 weeks since I've been "laid off" (I still work on the weekends) and at first, it was great! I got read to my hearts' content and basically do whatever I wanted before and after school. Lately though, it has started to wear off. Don't misunderstand me, the freedom to choose how I spend my day is still wonderful and I could seriously do this forever, I'm just starting to feel a little bit like dead weight. I need something to occupy my time.
This afternoon I have my first photo session in almost year (a paid one!) and after shooting my best friend's CD release party last weekend, I'm feeling like I'm learning to shoot all over again. Not good but not bad either. The bad side is, my nerves are a little fluttery (but pretty typical before a shoot), my favorite lens is in the shop being looked at and I feel like I need to relearn my camera all over again. The good side is, in a way, I get to relearn my camera again and forget about any bad habits I used to do. I basically have the memory of a gnat so sometimes, it can be a good thing.
I think in teaching my self how to use my camera again, I want to rely more on shooting correctly exposed images and relying less on Photoshop/Lightroom. I admit, I'm not a professional and most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. I wing it. There, I've said it!
I can't afford to take photography classes but I do have the ability to take my time and start shooting and learning on my own this summer. Summertime is the best time to begin. Start mastering exposure so as you head into winter, you don't necessarily dread shooting in darkness during the daytime. I dread shooting in-doors usually.
I also want to learn to shoot in a studio setting. That might come in handy in the winter as well. :)

Also, I need to see about developing a new business plan, website and "feel" for my little business. I want to be more choosey about what kind sessions I accept. I don't want to take just anyone who will throw money at me (although, it's probably better for the business) I want to keep those that fit with my style.

It's time for this dead weight to do some house cleaning.