The case of the Mondays on a Tuesday

I woke up at 7:30 and went on the computer to check out Facebook, gmail- my usual routine. Around 8, I went into jamie's room and gently woke him up, peeling the blankets from around his sleepy head. "I found him! I found the sleepy boy!" I usually say. He mutters and whacks my hands away. I tell him he needs to get up and put his school clothes on. I proceed to pull out a pair of underwear, khaki pants and a green polo shirt, depositing them on the couch. He eventually creeps out of the bedroom and wraps his blanket around him as he curls up on the couch. Thinking of skipping the brown sugar today, I instead pour the contents of his meds into a spoonful of key lime yogurt. Sitting beside him on the couch, I offer the spoon, letting him know I've changed it to yogurt and reminding him that he likes key lime flavor. He scrunches his face, a small hint of a grin and shoves my hand away, "No!".
Every morning, it's the same routine. A five to ten minute battle to get him to take his meds. The capsule is too large for him to swallow so I've been emptying them into spoonfuls of brown sugar. At first, he always took it, no complaints. But lately, he seems to relish saying no, whenever possible.
I admit, after pleading for five minutes and him finally spilling the yogurt on himself, I lost it. I was angry and tired of this nonsense. "Look what you did! UGGHHH!!! Why can't you just take it?!" I'm raging mad, trying not to raise my voice but I know it's getting louder anyway. I try to flip him over to spank him but he twists and I smack his hip instead. Frustrated, I throw the spoon into the sink, walk back to the couch and yank him to his feet.
"Stand there," I pull him to the kitchen and attempt to load up another spoon. By now, he's trying really hard not to cry- me too. I offer the spoon and curtly tell him to take it. He opens his mouth and it's finally over. I'm starting to calm down and I tell him that I'm sorry but he needs to stop telling me no and do what he's asked. Eventually he gets dressed and changes back to his perky self.
I'm still kind of angry over the whole ordeal. I hate doing this. I feel like my child deliberately says no and acts up because it's me. He seems to do fine with most other people. I'm convinced he hates me somedays. Anyway, I felt I should write it down and maybe tomorrow things will be better.

on inspiration

Everyday I sign into my blog reader and catch up on stories of other people's families, art, photography and general stuff. I'm often overloaded with inspiration and that need to do something with it. The problem comes when there's the time to do it and the want fades. Well, maybe not fades but it's transformed into doubt. The walls of limitation quickly presents itself and I feel like it's something I can't get around.
I also think I have a few issues with getting messy. The projects I want to do always involve getting stuff out- lots of stuff and then after a few hours' work, I gotta put it all back again. I lose all motivation thinking about the clean up. I would like a space where I can simply leave it and come back, nothing out of its place. Maybe I have some serious control issues? I always think, "I'll start that when/if I get a bigger house". But at this point it my life, it's not happening anytime soon. I may as well get used to the smaller quarters and figure out how to work around it. It's hard to do that.
So that's all I want to throw out for today. Maybe tomorrow I'll come back and articulate.

I'm back! Again!

I'm not sure anyone still reads or checks on this blog but I've decided to make it my summer make-over project. I thought about just starting a blog from scratch but then decided not to. The past is me and I can't change anything about it so it's time to keep pressing forward.
I'm in school, taking classes towards an Associates Degree and afterwards, maybe transfer someplace with an awesome Graphic Design program. I also want to look into internships. Ever since I saw Chronicle Books offered internships, I can't stop thinking about how cool that would be! I recently acquired a student loan so I could replace my broken computer. I took the chance of upgrading to an iMac and I LOVE it. I've got some money left over and I'm contemplating using it towards a camera (a cheaper one) or just giving it back to the school.
In other news, I am now working part time in Puyallup since the Tacoma store closed over a week ago. It was sad but I'm a tad grateful for the kick out the door. Part time will be good :) I have a terrible tendency to settle.
I'm also planning to pick up the camera and just deal with it. I love taking photos but recently, the desire to get out there was gone. Also, it didn't help that I didn't have a proper computer to upload photos. But I do now and I fully intend to exploit it. I see now that every other person in world is a "professional photographer" so I'm just going to chill and enjoy taking photos for the time being. I'm not accepting anymore wedding jobs but I may take in the occasional family/kid sessions.
Until next time! PEACE.

Yikes!

Well, I'll say it's been awhile, eh? I've been wanting to write up a new post but what to say? What to say...

I thought that maybe it would be more interesting to start a new project and post my progress. So... My newest project is photography related! Go figure! I happened across this blog and saw that she was starting lessons in photography and finiding your artistic side: Paislee Press So I'm gonna give it a shot. So in saying that, watch for my posts on Fridays/Saturdays (whichever happens to be less crammed with activities).

New Year

I've been hearing a lot of optimism for this new year and I want to chime in! Here are my 2010 resolutions:

1. Finish what I start. This is really hard for me. I love starting new projects but eventually lose interest and drop it altogether. I need to kick this habit!

2. Tie up loose ends. This sort of trickles downs from the first resolution but embraces more serious agendas. I need to finish and submit my divorce paperwork. I've already changed around my schedule to allow this to happen. Now I just need to walk into the courthouse and get it done. I have admittedly have mixed feelings but It needs to be taken care of.

3. Stop using credit. I am going to make this resolution as tangible as possible. I'm not going to vow to pay it off completely- just to stop using it this year. If I can do this, I will have paid at least $3600 down on them by the end of the year.

I'm going to leave it at 3 for the entire year. If I tackle anything extra, yay for me :D

I do have good feelings for the coming year. I want this new decade to be one of renewal, hope and happiness. It begins with me and only I can determine how this will turn out. Well, so far so good.

Mondays

Mondays are supposed to be bad days traditionally. Mine have been somewhat relaxing. I choose to change my work schedule to Tues-Saturday so I could utilize Monday to get stuff done/relax/fart around. I throughly enjoy Monday.

I've also been taking these days to get to know Tacoma. I take different routes and get myself lost intentionally. Because Tacoma is set up very grid-like, it's super easy to navigate. So long as you understand all the roads stretch from one side of Tacoma to the other -the differences in region determines whether or not you're north or the south. I live in the North-end district of Tacoma sandwiched between Stadium district and Proctor District; the nice side of Tacoma. Literally 2 blocks east and you're in Hilltop- often thought of as the ghetto. Yes, it a little more modest than the rest of Tacoma but it's not as bad as it used to be. It's not run down, just very simple.
The upside to living in Tacoma is the vast resources available to people like me. Low income, single mom, dependant upon DSHS for a few resources. It's not hard to find places that offer financial aid. YMCA offers it and I'm definitely going to take advantage as soon as January. Another benefit to living here are libraries are scattered throughout as well as discount stores, thrift stores, antique stores... its easy to save money here.

The downside, in my opinion, are the hills. I hate driving on the hills in the rain and ice. I've already experienced rear ending someone (ironically- not in Tacoma)and it's a horrible feeling in your gut to know you're about to hit someone and dispite your efforts to keep your foot on the break, you sail right into their bumper. I'm still irritated over it. I want desparately not to have a repeat episode. I drive like a grandma in Tacoma. It's okay. Laugh, pass me or honk your horn- I am NOT going to go through the shock of hitting another car or god forbid- a person.

Anyhow, back on topic. Mondays. They're my ME days. I don't go out and get a McDonalds Frappe or anything... but sometimes I do induldge in white mochas and thirft stores. All by myself. Once the crazy time of year passes, I'll take care of important business on Mondays but for now, I need the downtime to just revel in the quiet.

Here are some random photos to tide y'all until the next post. Cheers!

Things have changed so much and so dramatically over the last 6 months. I certainly won't go into detail. I think I will just pick up from here and move on towards the future. I don't know if this blog will take on a different flavor but I hope it provokes hope, laughter and serious thoughts along the way. The journey has taken a different turn and new experiences have made their presence known. For the sake of respect and accuracy, I've decided to leave the older posts intact. The only things I've changed are my 100 goals; but not much.

Life inside Borders seems to be nearing an end, even if they won't admit it. It's not just the economy that's pushing it out the door either. Micro-managing, belittling, cutting and haggling are getting the job done just fine. In spirit of protecting myself and Jamie, I've decided to ask for help in going back to school. There's a woman I've been meeting with. For lack of a better name, I call her the 'Resources Lady'. She was referred to be by Jamie's school and she basically spends all her time researching and recommending resources for moms all over Tacoma that need help. She doesn't limit herself to only financial help either. I've tossed many needs her way and she jumps on each one with vigor and determination. In turn, she holds me accountable to a timeline to complete tasks and get things done. I've already booked an appointment to get Jamie seen by a doctor that should hopefully refer him to be seen by an Asperger's specialist. She helped me with insurance recommendations and the name of her favorite kids' doctor.
My current appeal to her was my interest in going back to school and if there were any resources that I can take advantage of because of my hearing disablity. She's already given me a few names but promises phone numbers the next time she visits. I'm pretty excited about this! I want to pursue Photography and/or design so I'm really hoping this will pan out! The only thing that holds me back are finances. I expressed to her my worries about paying bills if I were to go back to school full-time. She said she'd look into options for me. All I'm doing now is waiting for her phone call to set up another apointment to share info.

Other than this, Jamie and I have been painting ceramic ornaments in anticipation of our tree that we'll chop down tomorrow. I got a new camera and plan to take photos to share tomorrow night :) Stay tuned! I promise more posts and photographs. But for now, good night!