Saturday, May 30, 2009


A beautiful image from my latest session of Brittany and Marty :)

A silly image of Jamie...

I need to vent a bit about photography lately... I think I need some serious classes/therapy sessions (?) soon. Maybe I'm rusty from this extended break from taking photos or maybe my camera is being wacko... or I could be losing my touch but something just isn't sitting right with taking pictures. I feel like my creativity is non-existent. For the most part, I can set my camera up but when it comes to taking the shot, something is missing. I'm frustrated that I lack the crispness I desire, the perfect fleeting moments because the shutter clicks too slow, the heavy reliance on wide open aperture (as opposed to gaining comfort with shooting f/3.5 or higher). Not that there's anything wrong with shooting between f/1.4 and f/2.8... but I feel like I use them too often and it's causing me to miss opportunities or perspectives. I know this sounds like a lot of jargon but in layman's terms, I'm nervous about slowing my shutter speed down due to lack of light reaching my camera. When I shoot wide open, this lets me 'snap' faster. The draw back is the heavy blurring surrounding my main subject. While, I love the effect most of the time but sometimes, I want to make the entire shot crisp with details. This is difficult because the higher I go with f-stops, the longer it'll take my shutter to click, the more out of focus/blurry my entire image will be. I really don't want to haul around a tripod or my flash. *sigh* Guess I just need to step outside my comfort zone more often and just run with it.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

What's going on?

I'm sure I've got some curious questions so I wanted to take some time to fill my friends and family in on what's happened to me recently.

On Saturday around 4am, I woke up with severe stomach pains. I felt this the previous weekend so I thought I would just try to work through it and it would eventually go away. I would later find myself on the bathroom floor, my entire body covered in sweat and totally weak. Eventually, I'd find some strength to get back into bed until another round of chills/fever would break through and I'd get myself back to the cold comfort of the bathroom floor before passing out. Finally after about 3 or 4 rounds of this and about 6 hours later, Mike would call my parents to see if they'd watch Jamie so we could figure out what was wrong at the doctor's office. Luckily, my parents were already in Bonney Lake shopping. Once they arrived, I was curled up on my bed but starting to feel a little better except for the tiny, jabbing spasms that would happen under my right ribcage. Eventually those spasms would extend to my shoulder, causing my breathing to get caught in my throat.
I tried to get up to get to the car but every attempt would end in me seeing all white and needing to get back down. That's when Mike decided that we'd go to the ER instead. I remember thinking that it felt so good to be outside and I could smell the freshly cut grass. I could sense my head clearing up and I started to wonder if I was making a big deal out of this. The ride to the ER was pretty uneventful but once it came time to get out of the car and walk to the doors, my body started to give away. I could hear someone asking if I needed a wheelchair and next thing I know, I'm sitting down, kind of spawled out. I could remember seeing two people in line ahead of me, giving me worried glances until a nurse would finally ask them if it was alright that I cut in front of them. I only saw the nurse for a minute before they rushed me to a bed and started to strip me of my clothes.
Then all the questions began; typical ones about my age, wheather I smoked or drank, my birthday, inquiries about the possibility of being pregnant. I remember feeling clear headed enough to answer their questions.
After awhile, there was a flurry of people, being poked several times with needles, getting my blood pressure checked and then the real pain started to happen. The doctor came in to nudge my stomach in several areas until he reached my ribs. The pain was so unbarable and I started to clutch my shoulder. He asked why I was holding my shoulder if my ribs hurt and I tried to tell him between gasping breaths that it was hurting my shoulders too. I couldn't control how fast the spasms were happening and I just remember kind of flopping on the bed each time, arching my back and gasping for breath. I kept asking for something to relax me but they'd keep telling me my bloodpressure was too low for them to give me anything. I'd demand Mike to tell me about something trival, anything, to keep me from overreacting and getting emotional. I couldn't stop thinking about the worse. They told me they think I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy that burst one of my ovaries and now they feared I was bleeding internally. This would explain why I felt severe shoulder pain, due to the blood reaching my diaphram. After they conducted an ultrasound to see how much fluid was inside, they asked me what my blood type was and I replied between painful breaths that I was O negative. The doctor shook his head at Mike and I felt myself overreacting again.
He came over to tell me that my type was the hardest for them to obtain but if I needed a transfusion, which was likely, that I needed to sign a release. I couldn't sign it and asked Mike to do it on my behalf.
Finally, the operating room was ready. I could feel myself start to relax, knowing that they'd knock me out and I'd be asleep. I remember them wheeling me down the hallways and I could see myself in the occasional mirror. I was shocked at how white I was. I had no color to my lips.
Once I woke from the surgery, I started crying. It was rather painful but I couldn't make myself stop. The nurse told me I needed to try to calm myself but I just couldn't. There was another person in the room with me but I couldn't see him. I knew he was old and I immediately started to slow my crying. She told me they removed one of my ovaries and drained nearly 2 units of blood. No transfusion was necessary. The nurse assured me that I was alright and began to take me to my room.
I had to spend two nights at the hospital but I'm so lucky to have so many visitors and text messages :) It was a horrible experience but I'm happy to say I'm spending the next 2 weeks on the mend. Today is the first day I actually don't have a headache. It's still hard to get up and walk around but I feel a little better. I sleep very well at night, thanks to Vicadin lol :)

Anyway, I thought I'd share this with anybody who was wondering... I'll probably make all my grammer/spelling corrections another time. Thanks again, to everyone who bought me flowers, candy, magazines and brought their smiles and conversation. I really love having visitors so please, don't feel shy if you ever want to come visit me. :) I'm pretty lucky!