Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The case of the Mondays on a Tuesday

I woke up at 7:30 and went on the computer to check out Facebook, gmail- my usual routine. Around 8, I went into jamie's room and gently woke him up, peeling the blankets from around his sleepy head. "I found him! I found the sleepy boy!" I usually say. He mutters and whacks my hands away. I tell him he needs to get up and put his school clothes on. I proceed to pull out a pair of underwear, khaki pants and a green polo shirt, depositing them on the couch. He eventually creeps out of the bedroom and wraps his blanket around him as he curls up on the couch. Thinking of skipping the brown sugar today, I instead pour the contents of his meds into a spoonful of key lime yogurt. Sitting beside him on the couch, I offer the spoon, letting him know I've changed it to yogurt and reminding him that he likes key lime flavor. He scrunches his face, a small hint of a grin and shoves my hand away, "No!".
Every morning, it's the same routine. A five to ten minute battle to get him to take his meds. The capsule is too large for him to swallow so I've been emptying them into spoonfuls of brown sugar. At first, he always took it, no complaints. But lately, he seems to relish saying no, whenever possible.
I admit, after pleading for five minutes and him finally spilling the yogurt on himself, I lost it. I was angry and tired of this nonsense. "Look what you did! UGGHHH!!! Why can't you just take it?!" I'm raging mad, trying not to raise my voice but I know it's getting louder anyway. I try to flip him over to spank him but he twists and I smack his hip instead. Frustrated, I throw the spoon into the sink, walk back to the couch and yank him to his feet.
"Stand there," I pull him to the kitchen and attempt to load up another spoon. By now, he's trying really hard not to cry- me too. I offer the spoon and curtly tell him to take it. He opens his mouth and it's finally over. I'm starting to calm down and I tell him that I'm sorry but he needs to stop telling me no and do what he's asked. Eventually he gets dressed and changes back to his perky self.
I'm still kind of angry over the whole ordeal. I hate doing this. I feel like my child deliberately says no and acts up because it's me. He seems to do fine with most other people. I'm convinced he hates me somedays. Anyway, I felt I should write it down and maybe tomorrow things will be better.

Friday, May 27, 2011

on inspiration

Everyday I sign into my blog reader and catch up on stories of other people's families, art, photography and general stuff. I'm often overloaded with inspiration and that need to do something with it. The problem comes when there's the time to do it and the want fades. Well, maybe not fades but it's transformed into doubt. The walls of limitation quickly presents itself and I feel like it's something I can't get around.
I also think I have a few issues with getting messy. The projects I want to do always involve getting stuff out- lots of stuff and then after a few hours' work, I gotta put it all back again. I lose all motivation thinking about the clean up. I would like a space where I can simply leave it and come back, nothing out of its place. Maybe I have some serious control issues? I always think, "I'll start that when/if I get a bigger house". But at this point it my life, it's not happening anytime soon. I may as well get used to the smaller quarters and figure out how to work around it. It's hard to do that.
So that's all I want to throw out for today. Maybe tomorrow I'll come back and articulate.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I'm back! Again!

I'm not sure anyone still reads or checks on this blog but I've decided to make it my summer make-over project. I thought about just starting a blog from scratch but then decided not to. The past is me and I can't change anything about it so it's time to keep pressing forward.
I'm in school, taking classes towards an Associates Degree and afterwards, maybe transfer someplace with an awesome Graphic Design program. I also want to look into internships. Ever since I saw Chronicle Books offered internships, I can't stop thinking about how cool that would be! I recently acquired a student loan so I could replace my broken computer. I took the chance of upgrading to an iMac and I LOVE it. I've got some money left over and I'm contemplating using it towards a camera (a cheaper one) or just giving it back to the school.
In other news, I am now working part time in Puyallup since the Tacoma store closed over a week ago. It was sad but I'm a tad grateful for the kick out the door. Part time will be good :) I have a terrible tendency to settle.
I'm also planning to pick up the camera and just deal with it. I love taking photos but recently, the desire to get out there was gone. Also, it didn't help that I didn't have a proper computer to upload photos. But I do now and I fully intend to exploit it. I see now that every other person in world is a "professional photographer" so I'm just going to chill and enjoy taking photos for the time being. I'm not accepting anymore wedding jobs but I may take in the occasional family/kid sessions.
Until next time! PEACE.